


never have i ever

by zayzigzag



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Hand Jobs, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-10
Updated: 2016-12-10
Packaged: 2018-09-07 16:37:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8808085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zayzigzag/pseuds/zayzigzag
Summary: Another person in the circle begins, “Never have I ever.” Philip gives himself a moment to look at Lukas who is taking another drink. Philip notices the beer cans laying at his feet. There is catching up to do. “Never have I ever cheated on someone that I love,” the girl says. The circle is silent. “Define cheating,” Lukas asks. He isn’t looking at Philip, but he might as well be. “Define love,” Philip says, voice hoarse from lack of use but still sharp. The girl shrugs. “Use your own judgement,” she says. Philip and Lukas both drink.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a short story in Shannan Rouss's Easy for You and "Ribs" by Lorde

Philip didn’t think bonfires actually happened in real life, but Tivoli is turning out to live up to every small town cliché. After dinner he told Helen that he was just going for a walk to clear his head. It usually doesn’t help much, but it doesn’t hurt either, and it seems like most of his time any more is spent minimizing damage rather than creating anything good. He really did mean it, though he thought about this other possibility to. This party has been all anyone’s been talking about at school all week. Lukas asked if he would be going, and he told him no, but that was mostly just to see him look disappointed. Lukas seemed to have everything, and being an object he desired burned bright in Philip’s gut.

  
He didn’t think too hard about ending up at the lake, but if he was being honest with himself it was the only way this night could have ended. There’s a reason Lukas always gets what he wants.

Music is thumping, some mindless beat that pounds through Philip’s chest. The air is smells like it’s burning, and he’s scanning the crowd for a blonde mop of hair as much as he wants to pretend he isn’t. Philip is aware of being stared at, but the feeling is so common it doesn’t really make that much of a difference. When asked, he would never admit that he’s only here for one person, but he also has no inclination of hiding anything. Philip has always been unabashedly himself, but never overly revealing. Lukas lifts his head and locks eyes with him. He brings his beer to his mouth and tips his head back so his neck is exposed, a long, elegant column of pale skin. Philip swallows; this was a terrible idea.

  
He’s looking for a beer for himself, but he can’t find one and suddenly it seems ridiculous to be here without a drink in his hand. He gives up any restraint and walks over to the circle where Lukas, Rose, and a few other people Philip recognizes from school are sitting. Lukas winds his arm around Rose, his long fingers dancing around her waist and Philip wishes he could just fucking stop all of this. Ever since they first kissed in the cabin it’s like his brain is wired up to Lukas, every touch every smile every damn emotion presses into his ribs uncomfortably.

Someone hands him a beer from behind him, and he pops the top off on the edge of the log he’s sitting on. Lukas is watching him when he looks up.

“Do you guys wanna play never have I ever?” someone asks. Her voice is soft, blending in with the cracking of the fire, which is already dying down. Everyone is silent for a moment, until Rose gives a thumbs up and takes a swig of her drink. She has a plastic cup, and even over the smell of the bonfire Philip can tell she’s had a fair amount to drink.  
Everyone in the circle puts their hands up, fingers stretched out wide. Lukas is grinning, wide and proud, and Philip’s has to breathe a little slower with the way the shadows are casting across his high cheek bones.

“Never have I ever gotten a speeding ticket,” one of the boys in the circle says.

Lukas and another girl drink, but Philip is a city kid through and through. He never even needed to drive. Next.

“Never have I ever,” the next girl begins. She pauses. The thing about this game is that it is as much about bragging as keeping your fingers up. Everyone so desperately wants to reveal themselves to others, to tell a story to a willing audience. Philip thinks once more that tonight was a bad idea.

All of a sudden Rose stands up and sways on the spot.

“I don’t feel good,” she announces to the group. Another girls gets up quickly, taking her hand and guiding her into the woods. Lukas makes no motion to get up and instead keeps his eyes fixed on the ground.

Another person in the circle begins, “Never have I ever.”

Philip gives himself a moment to look at Lukas who is taking another drink. Philip notices the beer bottles laying at his feet. There is catching up to do.

“Never have I ever cheated on someone that I love,” the girl says.

The circle is silent.

“Define cheating,” Lukas asks. He isn’t looking at Philip, but he might as well be.

“Define love,” Philip says, voice hoarse from lack of use but still sharp.

The girl shrugs. “Use your own judgement,” she says.

Philip and Lukas both drink.

* * *

 

Philip is a little bit tipsy by the end of the night, but decidedly not enough to get in trouble with Helen. He can feel his lips starting to tingle in that familiar way that means he is just creeping up on the right side of drunkenness. He’s watching the fire, crackling and beautiful and never ending. His eyes keep lingering up to Lukas; he can’t help it, honestly. The party is trailing off with only a few people that Philip doesn’t really recognize remaining. He starts walking home.

Philip is nearly back at Helen and Gabe’s when he hears Lukas’s motorcycle approaching behind him. He smiles to himself; this feels like a victory of sorts.

“Why’d you leave so early?” Lukas asks as he pulls his helmet off. His hair brushes across his forehead and blue eyes. Fuck, Philip thinks. He’s done for.

“Didn’t.”

Lukas just stares at him. They are only a few feet apart but Philip feels like there is some kinetic energy between them, fizzling and cracking in the space between. It’s driving him out of his fucking mind.

“Is Rose okay?” Philip asks.

“What?” Lukas looked confused, then annoyed. “She’s fine yeah. She’s home, whatever.”

They stand there in silence for a few more beats until Lukas takes three steps forward to be inches away from Philip’s face. His breath is warm and smells of beer still, and his jacket is saturated with the smell of the bonfire. Philip is still feeling the alcohol a little bit, but he’s mostly just dizzy from this proximity.

“Why did you drink at that question?” Lukas asks.

Philip is spaced out, focused on the peak of Lukas’s cheek bones and how they are getting close and closer.

“Huh?”

“Have you ever cheated on someone?”

The question doesn’t make sense in Philip’s head.

“What? Of course not,” he replies.

“Then why. Did you drink?” Lukas asks once more, punctuating each word with a pause. Philip knows he means to be intimidating right now, but the only thing Philip ever feels when he’s this close to Lukas anymore is searing want.

“On myself,” Philip begins. “I told myself I wouldn’t do this, be a secret for someone else again. But I am—now.”

Lukas swallows, and the bob of his throat is the most interesting thing Philip can think of. He’s going mad.

But there isn’t enough time to think about that because Lukas’s lips are on his, and he’s melting. His whole body feels molten hot and a little bit savage. He wants to suck bruises into Lukas’s pale neck, but he knows he can’t do that. Instead he pressed his lips harder, pushing his tongue into Lukas’s mouth so quickly it elicits a groan making Philip go faint. This goddamn boy.

Lukas pushes them back against a tree which scratches at Philip’s back, but not hard enough to distract him from the pliant lips in front of him.

Lukas pulls away for a moment and breaths heavy against Philip’s lips. His eyes are still closed, and he looks like he is waiting for some reality to fade away. This is real though; it’s the realest thing Philip has ever known and that scares the absolute shit out of him. Lukas is trailing his hands down Philip’s sides slowly, stopping at the waist of his pants. Philip can’t tell if he’s breathing. He’s trying, been trying, so hard to be good, to not push Lukas past his boundaries. This is testing his own limits.

“You’re so pretty sometimes,” Lukas whispers, and Philip could cry.

Lukas takes a step back, and Philip gets ready to wrestle with the inevitable plunge that comes from Lukas’s abrupt departures. But Lukas isn’t getting back on his motorcycle. He’s reaching to the hem of Philip’s shirt and pulling it over his head. Philip probably looks exposed, but he doesn’t feel that way with Lukas’s eyes raking down his body. He simmers in the attention.

“You can –” Philip pauses. Lukas’s fingers resting tentatively on his ribs. “Go ahead,” Philip finishes.

Lukas shakes his head furiously. “I want it too much,” he whispers, shivering.

“Not possible,” Philip says, bringing his lips to Lukas throat and breathing there for a few moments. He doesn’t want to fuck this up, and every moment’s intensity feels multiplied. Lukas’s mouth is on his again, softer and slower this time. Philip’s heart is thumping in his ears with how much he wants this. His cock is throbbing so hard he can barely think about anything except this boy in front of him. He pushes his hips up to meet Lukas’s by accident, to relieve the ache just a little bit.

“Shit—sorry – I didn’t mean –”

“Fuck,” Lukas says, pulling him closer by the hip. Lukas tilts his head down to mouth at Philip’s collar bone, and Philip slides against him a second time. This time it’s slower, and Lukas rocks his hips too and yeah—Philip is done for. Lukas is panting against Philip’s chest, unable to stop his hips from moving. Lukas’s hands slide down again and pause once more at the waist of his jeans.

“Do it,” Philip urges, unable to contain himself.

Lukas’s finger quietly undo his button and then the zipper, and Philip can see clearly that his hands are shaking but he doesn’t care. He is buzzing with energy and all he can think about is Lukas’s hands on him. It’s not enough, but he’s intoxicated with it still. Lukas’s fingers slip under the elastic of his boxers and palms his ass. Philip shakes with the wave of pleasure, his dick is pressing against the front of his boxers and his hips are tilted up toward Lukas but there isn’t enough pressure. Lukas’s nails dig into the base of his spine though, and he thinks he could come just from that. His head knocks back against the tree and he groans, completely uninhibited.

“You all right?” Lukas asks with a smirk.

Philip surges forward for a kiss.

And then, he says, “You first.”

Lukas’s mouth drops open, and then he smiles, soft and easy. Philip is mad over him, and he wonders fleetingly if it will always be like this. If his stomach will always drop with each of Lukas’s smiles; if he will be left breathless with each of his kisses. The future has been so muddled recently, and Philip can barely think past the next few hours, but for a brief moment he pictures this being his every day. It makes his heart ache.

“You won't have to do much,” Lukas is saying as he unbuttons his pants. Philip is going to die from this, he’s sure. He can’t stop watching Lukas’s hands, and everything feels like it’s going in slow motion but still he’s not taking it in quick enough. Lukas pulls his jeans and his boxers down in one swift movement, and Philip goes in for another kiss.

“Do something,” Lukas says. Philip forgets that he has hands and that he can reach out and touch, if he wants. And god, he wants.

He slides his hand over Lukas’s chest, across his nipples and Lukas groans at that. Lukas is gasping as Philips fingers run across the line of his hips, like the prospect of Philip touching him is too much. Philip has thought about this more times than he can count, even before he figured out that Lukas actually liked him, back when it was an untouchable fantasy. It still feels sort of like a fantasy, but then again like he is playing out some kind of scene he’s already rehearsed in his head, in his dreams. When he closes his hand around Lukas’s cock he’s stunned by the sound Lukas makes, deep and growling. Lukas’s head drops to Philip’s shoulder, and Philip drops to his knees. He doesn’t know the thought process that led him to being here but suddenly it seems like a necessity to taste Lukas. He presses a kiss to the head of Lukas’s dick and then goes back to stroking him, once twice, and Lukas is coming over Philip’s fingers. Philip is kissing Lukas’s hip as he comes down, and then he lifts his fingers up to his mouth to lick at the come. Lukas is wrecked, grabbing Philip by the shoulder and dragging him up for a kiss.

Philip’s skin is on fire, and his brain is shorting out except for the message that he needs to come right now. His rubs up against Lukas’s softening cock, and Lukas’s hisses.

“Shhh,” Lukas starts, “I got you.”

Philip’s heart clenches with how much he wants that to be true. He presses his cheek into Lukas’s chest and reaches down to jerk himself off. Lukas swats his hand away and replace it with his.

Lukas pauses to lick his palm, and Philip shivers with anticipation. That anyone is touching him like this would make him go insane, but that it was Lukas is making this otherworldly. He thought this was out of the question, so he never let himself seriously entertain the possibility. Philip feels like his whole brain has been rewired. This is all there is.

“Lukas, god, fucking do something,” he says.

Lukas’s tightens his grip and Philip blanks out. He doesn’t know how many times Lukas strokes him, but it’s only when Lukas bites then licks at the juncture between his neck and his shoulder does he come. It feels like it lasts forever, his whole body seizing up and shorting out.

Lukas still hasn’t separated from him once Philip’s breathing finally calms down. Lukas wipes his hands on the inside of Philip’s pants, disgusting but he can’t bring himself to care.

They button up their pants; Philip pulls on his shirt. They stand there a few feet apart, just staring.

“Which part did you drink for?” Philip asks, surprising even himself.

“Don’t be an asshole,” Lukas spits, but his cheeks are still flushed red.

“Are you cheating on Rose or are you cheating on me?”

Lukas stares back at him, and Philip knows that question was unfair, but he doesn’t feel that bad about it. He’s usually good at pretending to be levelheaded, but Lukas puts him off balance and he needs to know. Lukas takes a step forward and presses a kiss to Philip’s half open mouth. It feels like an apology.

“I’ll see you later,” Lukas says. He puts on his helmet and soon enough he’s gone. Philip closes his eyes, gives himself a minute, and then starts walking home again.


End file.
